“Your opinion doesn’t matter.”
Those words have floated through my mind on conscious/ unconscious levels since I was a child. Every time I thought something that went against the “norm”. Every time I had questions. Every time I went to share my thoughts, feelings and opinions those words would creep into my psyche.
I would pause. Hold back. Keep silent.
I would question my sanity, my intuition, my own inner knowing.
I would distrust myself.
I would over explain myself trying to “make” people understand.
I wouldn’t speak up unless I had irrefutable “proof” that what I knew on an intuitive level could be deemed “correct” by my logical mind.
Always searching for validation.
Always looking outside of myself to feel like my thoughts, feelings and opinions mattered. That I mattered.
Everyone wants to be seen, heard and understood. And we often look outside of ourselves for that validation and acceptance. Especially to avoid rejection or abandonment.
That acceptance and understanding that you are so eagerly looking for comes from within YOU. Not someone else. Not your partner. Not your family. Not your friends. Not the barista making your coffee. YOU.
And until you can find that inner knowing and trust it, you will always be looking outside of yourself, questioning yourself, staying silent in an effort be accepted and loved.
I came to this realization today that I cannot stay silent about the things on my heart and mind and also teach others how to use their voice. That’s the very definition of being out of alignment.
Also, how you do one thing is how you do everything, right? So if I am staying silent about one thing, what other things are going unsaid? What needs/ wants/ desires am I stuffing down? What thoughts/ opinions/ questions am I deeming unimportant? In what ways am I showing myself that I don’t matter? In what ways am I distrusting myself and putting my power outside of me? In what ways have I been untrue to myself?
Speaking up can be scary AF. I get it. I really do.
There’s a lot floating around my mind these days but what is super clear to me right now is that when you stand up, use your voice, speak your truth you are giving others around you permission and strength to do the same.
Even if speaking your truth causes someone you love to walk away from you because you no longer fit their narrative/ version they have of you, speak it anyway. And watch how you create space for others to come into your life that love you for YOU and not just the versions of you that suit them.
In the words of a dear friend, “the world needs ALL of you.” I am no longer available for choking on my words. I am no longer available for watering myself down. I am no longer available for staying silent.
I see you.
I hear you.
I love you.
And I love me too.